The bliss of a quieter ego

We live in a world of noisy narcissism, but you can escape the cacophony—and be happier

Excerpt: "We live in an age of loud egos. Scholars have documented a large increase since the late 1970s in the percentage of people with a narcissistic personality, a trend that is especially clear among young adults. Social media has made it possible to amplify that trait far and wide, to the extent that we now have an entire cultural class of people we call “influencers” dedicated to broadcasting themselves via new technology.

And that new class constantly generates new aspirants to membership: According to one survey, more than half of young people today say they want to be an influencer.

A similar incentive structure undergirds our media-driven political system. Where once politics attracted people with a strong public-service ethic and traditional virtues of modesty and humility, now it rewards leaders and activists—on both the left and right—who are performative and self-interested.

The increase in loud egos has coincided with declines in well-being. The rate of depression in the United States has risen to its highest level on record. Behavioral science offers a compelling thesis that may explain what we’re seeing, as a result of what has been termed the “self-reflection paradox.” An intense focus on self is an evolved trait, scientists suggest, because it confers competitive advantages in mating and survival. But research has also shown that to be so focused on self can be a primary source of unhappiness and maladjustment.

So what appears to be happening is that we have developed culture and technology that together supercharge this primal drive of self-reflection—to such an unhealthy and unnatural extent that it has the paradoxical effect of ruining our lives."